Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I'm Not a Bad Driver, I'm Just Drawn that Way

I don't know if I should be comforted or not that I'm pretty much as bad a cyber-athlete as a real athlete. (Nobody beats me as an aesthete, but that's an entirely different story, the one the other 99.99% of this blog's entries are about.) So it should come as no surprise that the joy for most people that is Mario Kart Wii (and even more sorts of joy for some than others, evidently) is somewhat lost on me, as driving into many differently designed 2-D abysses is abysmal. If you know the game, and it seems the quarter of the world not playing the new Grand Theft Auto does, then you know what I mean when I say that I have a good shot at finishing 11th if I get the box with the rocket in it, twice. If you don't know the game, there are 12 cars in every race.

Now it's not too big a deal, beyond my bitterly competitive ways over the most meaningless things, to suck at Wii Golf. I have never played real golf in my life, so not being able to master the virtual game ends in virtual world. Who's uncoordinated in Wii-gas stays in Wii-gas.

But having spent too much time crashing into things in Mario land this past weekend, I have come to doubt my real world driving skills. True, a steering wheel responds better than a Wii-mote. Definitely you feel a car's drive as much as see it. Still it seems that someone capable of driving a Volvo (hey, no jokes!) could get a drawing of a souped-up dune buggy around a drawing of a mall without too many mishaps. Instead, I feel my klutziness spreading, something I fret the real me, not me as Donkey Kong, might get associated with my program.

Here's hoping they don't come up with Wii writing, unless Wii unemployment pays really well. Then again, those coins in the Nintendo games might be worth more than the U.S. dollar at this point.

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Blogger Trekking Left said...

Still, with the price of gas being what it is, you might want to stick to cyber-driving.

11:04 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

don't be fooled, cyber-driving is still fueled by gas, just disguised as electricity.

11:50 AM  
Blogger Drew said...

My reaction to the Penis Rock wasn't so much joy as it was amusement at the thought of something subliminally smutty being inserted into what is technically a kid's game.

Also, if you played as Donkey Kong, that's your problem right there. The ape is heavy and hard to control. I would have recommended you begin as a princess or something small with big eyes that squeals.

3:22 PM  
Blogger Drew said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:28 PM  
Blogger George said...

I find joy in amusement. I was saving being a princess for a day when I really needed it. I didn't do well as Bowzer or Waluigi either.

And Amy always takes the squealy characters.

3:29 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

go baby peach (or koopa troopa)!

I want to know how/when we get more cups to race.

12:48 PM  
Blogger Drew said...

Get golds in races or get ratings of at least one star, for the most past.

Go to a search for mario kart wii. that should explain it all.

2:09 PM  

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