I'm Not a Bad Driver, I'm Just Drawn that Way

I don't know if I should be comforted or not that I'm pretty much as bad a cyber-athlete as a real athlete. (Nobody beats me as an aesthete, but that's an entirely different story, the one the other 99.99% of this blog's entries are about.) So it should come as no surprise that the joy for most people that is Mario Kart Wii (and even more sorts of joy for some than others, evidently) is somewhat lost on me, as driving into many differently designed 2-D abysses is abysmal. If you know the game, and it seems the quarter of the world not playing the new Grand Theft Auto does, then you know what I mean when I say that I have a good shot at finishing 11th if I get the box with the rocket in it, twice. If you don't know the game, there are 12 cars in every race.

Now it's not too big a deal, beyond my bitterly competitive ways over the most meaningless things, to suck at Wii Golf. I have never played real golf in my life, so not being able to master the virtual game ends in virtual world. Who's uncoordinated in Wii-gas stays in Wii-gas.

But having spent too much time crashing into things in Mario land this past weekend, I have come to doubt my real world driving skills. True, a steering wheel responds better than a Wii-mote. Definitely you feel a car's drive as much as see it. Still it seems that someone capable of driving a Volvo (hey, no jokes!) could get a drawing of a souped-up dune buggy around a drawing of a mall without too many mishaps. Instead, I feel my klutziness spreading, something I fret the real me, not me as Donkey Kong, might get associated with my program.

Here's hoping they don't come up with Wii writing, unless Wii unemployment pays really well. Then again, those coins in the Nintendo games might be worth more than the U.S. dollar at this point.