Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Ozark! The Herald Present Zings

The other day Amy has to go home to take one of the dogs to one of his weekly vet appointments and so is there after the vet when a package comes. She emails me--"you've got a big box of wine." Yes, I have been known to order some wine (I loves me some litotes), but I have it shipped to work since it's good for your employers to know how much you drink you need an adult to sign for it, and although Mookie is 77 in human years, he can't hold a pen and barks at all delivery people, to boot. So it makes no sense to me there's wine shipped to our house. I ask for details. She says it's from Missouri. It's also from the wife of my now deceased dad.

Things begin to make some sense. I'm still fascinated, however, trying to figure out how a woman who doesn't drink wine and lives in New Jersey decides to order wine for a person who drinks lots of wine who lives in California. How does she get to that a-ha moment, "Why, yes, Missouri!" She's not on the internets--doesn't even own a computer. Does the St James Winery (whose website page is titled "Red Wines, White Wines, and Wine Accessories") advertise in AARP's magazine? Still, this Christmas gift choice isn't too far from sending the person living in Idaho potatoes from Alaska.

If nothing else, now I know that Chardonel is an actual grape and not some silly marketing term, not that I would come up with a daft neologism myself (OK, I'm still trying to trademark "diplomarama" as a synoym for graduation, so don't steal it). As for the red, I'm pretty sure it's called a Norton as my step mom didn't want to fork out the bucks to buy the more expensive Kramden. Seriously, Norton is a grape, too, proudly billed the "Cabernet of the Ozarks," which no doubt means its genetic parents were cousins.

Indeed, when I positively swill in these wines, if I close my eyes I can practically imagine I'm in the Tony Orlando Yellow Ribbon Music Theater in Branson. It's a rare Christmas gift that can be so transporting.



Blogger CLD said...

Red wines have the propensity to stain teeth. I bet the Norton can make you look toothless.

5:11 AM  
Blogger George said...

Good one.

WV: "soracked" as in how you feel if you drink too much Norton

9:19 AM  
Blogger Queen Whackamole said...

Sounds like time for a casserole potluck...

10:31 AM  
Blogger Marty said...

I'm trying to remember if I've ever tasted a Norton, or vitis aestivalis (not to be confused with the inexpensive Chilean brand or a lost Sheen offspring). But this makes me curious:

"In 1873 a Missouri wine made from the Norton grape was awarded 'Best Red of All Nations' at an International competition in Vienna" (sic).

The graphic accompanying the article, on the other hand, simply makes me bi-curious. Or is that trans-curious?

Appellation America

1:23 PM  
Blogger regina said...

hrm. I'm dubious. Although...

All of my family lives in Kansas City. One of my younger sisters - a respectable wine drinker - has often raved about the wine produced in Hermann, MO. "You'd be surprised!" She threatens to take me one of these days.

One time when this sister visited me in SB, we went to hang out at Los Olivos Wine & Spirits Emporium. The awesome Bob Senn crushed HARD on her, especially when they discovered they shared the same favorite fried chicken joint in KC. Then she brought up Hermann and the wine, and he expressed support.

Bob didn't wince, so I guess that's good for something.

Don't know about your Ozark wine though. I totally picture it being bottled in 40s.

3:22 PM  
Blogger Devona said...

There are some great
Branson shows! One of my favorites is the Branson Belle.

10:09 PM  
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3:59 AM  

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