Friday, February 09, 2007

Wall Street Weak

Wall Street retreated sharply Friday as investors glumly absorbed the news that Anna Nicole Smith had died. "Sure there was a spike in oil prices, and two Federal Reserve officials commented that unexpected economic growth could prompt an interest rate hike," said stockbroker and longtime Playboy reader Jack S. Pecious, "but Anna--my god. Where will the tragedy end?"

Clearly the mood at the New York Stock Exchange was focused on inflation, peak oil, and silicone implants. One broker, who insisted on remaining anonymous, particularly after making a tasteless joke about how sad he was that now he would never get to do any "insider trading" with Smith, claimed, "I guess first everyone has to clear out pharmaceuticals from their portfolio. Second, the companies who own magazines like People and the Star are going to be scrambling until the next talentless bimbo comes along. This really hurts."

Pecious said through his tears, "She was a symbol for our nation, a beaming dyed blond light that anyone could become anything, if by anything you mean a reality TV star and centerfold. She was clearly our generation's Susan B. Anthony, except Anthony wasn't hot. I mean, you totally know why they replaced her dollar with Sacagawea--grrrr."

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2 Comments:

Blogger Mike said...

George - I'm glad someone finally drew the connection between Anna Nicole's health & the health of this great nation of ours.

The next few days will be very important. We may not make it.

(Not sure exactly why, but the word verification, "xovdj" seems somehow appropriate.)

9:09 AM  
Blogger Carpool Crew said...

My word was "cyodnxu"

I was going to write something pistive, but the cyodine reference just cut me off at the knees.

Just kidding. Cheer up. So what. We know it's going to happen at this point. You are an amazing writer, and have the talent to stop bitching and start fixing people.

You know what's coming. So start learning what solutions are needed to fix shit in your area or go down with the woe is me crowd.

Come on, get your courage up. This is your time to help save the world, even if it's only a few people you get to help.

There are lots out there that can see and are making efforts.

8:46 AM  

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