Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Bush at Appomattox

Dateline January 20, 2007

In a somber ceremony today on the White House lawn, President George W. Bush handed over his permanent squint, his bicycle pants, a tattered copy of the Constitution and the keys to Condoleeza Rice's and Joe Lieberman's and Harriet Miers' hearts to Evil in an unconditional surrender.

In a statement Bush said, "I guess I was wrong when I said in the 2006 State of the Union address: 'The United States will not retreat from the world, and we will never surrender to evil.' Just put this incident in the file with the WMDs and all those times I claimed there have to be warrants for wiretaps and those times I swore I'd defend the Constitution, too. I thought since evil wasn't a country, I was in the clear. If only I looked over my right shoulder when delivering the speech I would have remembered Evil was there all along."

As a conciliatory gesture to Bush, who, Evil admitted, had sort of always been on his side anyway so had little left to give up, Evil opted to let Bush keep his mightily tough-talking way of clipping the "g's" on his words to seem more Texas tough. That's just so folks like Rich Lowry from the National Review who gets to ponitifcate on the ultra-liberal NPR can know Bush is talking to the people (them people, the ones without money and education and the stuff Rich and his friends have) when he says stuff like, "If there are people inside our country who are talkin' with Al Qaida, we want to know about it, because we will not sit back and wait to be hit again."


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