Monday, December 05, 2005

Us Liberals, Who Aren't in Charge of Anything, Cancel Christmas, and Other Explosive Ideas

It seems that the California Highway Patrol (we can't call them CHiPs as Erik Estrada trademarked the name so he would have something to claim as his own on VH1 specials) is just one more force for evil trying to stop Christmas from coming. The AP reports:

Both directions of the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge were temporarily closed twice Sunday, after a suspicious package was found on the bottom deck.

The green suitcase turned out to contain nothing more than old-fashioned Christmas lights, said California Highway Patrol spokesman Mike Wright.

Maybe nothing more than old-fashioned Christmas lights to you, you most likely California liberal pinko Mike "Not Right" Wright, but to those who stand-up for all that is good and true like the Fox Network, those lights signify the brightness shone upon the world by the sweet newborn Baby Jesus. Plus more shopping, more use of electricity, and therefore more oil consumption to keep pals of W. and Dick happy.

The CHP shut down all lanes for 15 minutes as officers blasted it with a water cannon, Wright said.

Bill O'Reilly and his ilk surely hope this water cannon was their beloved Bull Connor model.

Traffic on the bridge was halted again for about 15 minutes at 11:25 a.m., as officers X-rayed the package and found that it had electrical components, according to the CHP. A robotic device was used to throw the suitcase over the railing and into a dirt ditch below.

Toby Keith is already at work recording a new version of "Away in a Manger" entitled "Dumped in a Dirt Ditch." The opening lines will go: "Dumped in a dirt ditch, a suitcase of lights / Who will honor this Christmas symbol except for the Right?" And President Bush is also arguing that this incident is one more bit of evidence that his new immigration plan is the best one for America, claiming, "The kind of indentured servitude, I mean, temporary work visa, I'm suggesting would put that robotic arm out of work and give a nice Mexican a good job. For a morning. That's only deadly about one in a hundred times. But it's a job no American would do. Because they'd expect to be paid."


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