The Vain in Maine Wear Little That Is Plain

So I was perusing the Seacoast Online, as I like my internets a bit damp, thank you, and what should I find but this delectable tidbit about small town life (at least I assume it's a small town since it happens to be in Maine):

AUGUSTA, Maine - It's downtown Augusta's latest attraction: three young women clad in lingerie who wave to passersby from a store window.

The attention-grabbing models were hired by Spellbound, a lingerie store that recently opened on Water Street and is trying to establish its name.

There is no truth to the rumor that at first it tried to establish its name by having its employees say "Liverwurst" to customer in their best Ingrid Bergman accents. (You have to know your Hitchcock to get that joke, which is probably why they so quickly moved on to something everyone can agree on--lingerie.)

The reaction from the public and neighboring business has been mixed.

Police have received complaints, and the owner of a business across the road says the women are driving away customers, especially shoppers with children.

"It's tainting the wholesome businesses down here," said Carrie Rossignol, co-owner of Video Game Exchange. "I think it's selfish, and I think it's morally reprehensible."

Rossignol then returned to stocking the shelves of her store with copies of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. "These make perfect Christmas presents for the little tykes," she said.

Spellbound's owner, former Cony High School teacher Felicia Stockford, said she came up with the idea while brainstorming for an inexpensive marketing idea. "I thought, 'You know, that's a big window, and if I put girls in there to wave at traffic, it would draw a lot of attention.'"

Stockford added, "If it were a much smaller window I would have to put guinea pigs in there in lingerie, and that would draw less attention." Meanwhile the school board at Cony High just nodded its collective head and knowingly whispered, "Former teacher, former teacher."

Paid only in lingerie, the women said they volunteer because they love being seen.

Plus, they are all Cony High drop outs. Luckily, they often get to wear edible underwear, so none of the models have gone hungry, as if models eat anyway, even in Maine, which is very silly of them because the lobster there is so cheap and so tasty.

Police officers have visited the store in response to complaints, but have found nothing illegal, said Lt. Peter Couture. He said there are no state or city laws that prohibit wearing lingerie in public.

It's even been reported that some police officers have visited the store in the absence of any complaints. Lt. Peter Couture (I only wish I made that name up), after visiting Spellbound for the fifteenth time this week said, "Just doing my job, ma'am. Trying to keep the piece." [no sic] In other news, Carrie Rossignol (and how can you trust a person named after skis) is petitioning for a law that will prohibit wearing lingerie in public, even under one's clothes. She has also heavily invested in Johnson & Johnson Baby Powder, figuring all that chafing during the cold Maine winters will be a bitch.