Cat as Cat Can

Things that must have been over-heard at the scene of this crime (but the jokes only work if you read the story first, ok?):

Man Hospitalized After Being Shot By His Cat

Mom: "Joey, I told you to make your dinner first, then play with your pistol."

Joseph (in a noticeably higher-pitched voice than usual): "Lower torso my ass...ooowwwww!"

Cat: "Next time when I ask for Whiskas, it better damn well be Whiskas!"