An Inconvenient Turd

Forget about bitching about Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize days after ratcheting up Afghanistan--turns out Change We Can Believe In means "I'll think a long time before doing what you lefties don't want me to do, but you'll still vote for me, haha." Instead I think we first need to get Al Gore to give his Nobel back. Why? Three words--Joe Fucking Lieberman.

He was an obscure moralizing asswipe before Gore decided he had to prove he was so over Big Bad Bill he needed to pick someone all moral and shit, but, alas, Lieberman turned out just to be a shit. And since then he has thought he's somebody, and there's only been hell to pay. Of course instead of kicking his toches out of the Democratic caucus, Obama insisted on kissing it instead. And you know how that ends up. How one of the few shots of something good--the expansion of Medicare--to come out of the ever dwindling health care reform gets shot down thanks solely to Lieberman.

The good news is I get to feel better and better about that Nader vote in 2000. Don't give me that ridiculous Eric Alterman argument either--Gore cost himself that election, and it all starts with how he campaigned, and that is embodied in the junior jack-off from the Nutmeg State. All he could think of was to run from Clinton, despite how popular he was is and ever will be. And how did putting Lieberman on the ticket help? Was he going to lose CT without him? Did he help him win over a few folks whose undies were in a knot about Monica Lewinsky's thong, in some Bible, not fellow human, thumping place, like, oh, I don't know--his home state of Tennessee, which he didn't carry? Which would have won him the election and saved us GWB?

Truth Dig My Ass

OK, that title was a bit more painful than I meant it to be, but it seems that if anyone actually read me, I'd be able to assume I've been plagiarized. For what should Truth Dig post just this Sunday but an article that begins:

Just days after former Vice President Al Gore received an Academy Award for his global-warming documentary, “An Inconvenient Truth,” the United States Supreme Court handed Mr. Gore a stunning reversal, stripping him of his Oscar and awarding it to President George W. Bush instead.

For Mr. Gore, who basked in the adulation of his Hollywood audience Sunday night, the high court’s decision to give his Oscar to President Bush was a cruel twist of fate, to say the least.

But in a 5-4 decision handed down Tuesday morning, the justices made it clear that they had taken the unprecedented step of stripping Mr. Gore of his Oscar because President Bush deserved it more.

You loyal readers might recall (I say might as I know many of my loyal readers drink, just to keep up with my pace) that on Monday, February 26 I blogged the following:

In stunning news today, the U.S. Supreme Court convened for a special session and by a 6-3 decision voted to rescind the Best Documentary Oscar for An Inconvenient Truth. Chief Justice John Roberts said, "First, I'd like to thank William Rehnquist for stepping down, even if he had to die to do so. Second, we determined that for the good of the nation we had to act and save them from the uncertainty we have about global warming. The best way to do that, we thought, was to prevent them from seeing anything that might make them think global warming exists. It turns out the voting in Palm Beach in particular largely went for the powerful doc Pat Buchanan's Ten Ways to a Better Bris and then there were the hanging Chads--both Lowe and Everett didn't seem to vote. Third, we had a good long talk with James Baker, who was happy to be listened to again after the Iraq Study Report."

Antonin Scalia went even further with his comments, claiming, "We're also going to take away Melissa Etheridge's Oscar and give it to Mary Cheney. Right-wing, VP-sired, Coors-working lesbians we can tolerate, but all the other ones...."

And now Truth Dig won't even post the comment I tried to leave on the site--you'd think Wendy McCaw was running the joint and not Robert Scheer.

[UPDATE: Truth Dig did add my comment. That's lefties for you--somehow I get 2 issues of the Nation on the same day, too.]

Alas, I am not an award-winning comedy writer like Andy Borowitz, who, according to his bio, created The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. That too, of course, was stolen from me, as I long-shopped the tv comedy The OG: Original George, but network execs felt that I was too black and would threaten mainstream America. To think I could have been Will Smith.