How I Day-ed Your Father

Friday is the 99th anniversary of Father's Day, which you would think would make it Grandfather's Day at the least by now but what do I know having not spawned myself. (People have made colorful suggestions to me along those lines--"go spawn yourself, George"--but I've never taken them up on it. Or do I mean take myself up on it?) Prior to 1910 there were no fathers, but on the other hand storks had more work. Of course, it's hard to fit more than one stork on your hand, unless it's a baby stork, or storkling, as they're called, but not by their fathers, at least not before 1910. Unable to get "I Am Not a Crook" Day approved by Congress, President Richard Nixon established a permanent national observance of Father's Day in 1972. Luckily we do not have to call it Tricky Dick's Father's Day. Although the Monday after the third Sunday in June is still called "Scrub Till It Hurts in the Shower" Day in many states, perhaps the queasy one you're no doubt in right now.