Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Hollywood Parties Like It's 1939

Sorry I have barely blogged for nearly 48 hours, but I was busy on the Appalachian Trail. I mean, I've spent hours discovering that I can't be a Republican or a Christian since I don't cheat on my wife. I would blog something about Iran, but I don't know anything to act like I do. And who would go on and on about what the U.S. should be doing without some knowledge? Oh, yeah, more reasons I'm not a Christian Republican.

But I do know something about movies--I've even seen some--so let's talk about those. Today the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (or AMPAS, which only sounds like it should be pronounced Ample Ass) announced it's going to have 10 films nominated for Best Picture starting next year. Surely that means even better best films will win the Oscar; after all, 11 Republicans ran for President in 2008 and look how that turned out. Plus, that means the cinematic equivalent of Duncan Hunter can soon say "Oscar nominated." Basically, I think this change means the Razzies are out of business.

Of course Hollywood sees this as a win-win-winfinitum. More films get to brag. More ad campaigns get to be run. (Yes, this might mean that someday soon all that will be left of the LA Times is the Envelope tab. Joe Pulitzer is more-or-less on permanent rotisserie in his grave.) More big studio films will get nom nods, including genre step-children from comedies to Michael Bay-blow-shit-up-fests. It will be easier to deny how middlebrow Oscar is when pictures like The Reader (Kate Winslet as your favorite naked Nazi!) can be diluted in a pool of, well, all the spit Harvey Weinstein can fleck. Pixar will never longer have to be piqued. There will be no more dark (k)nights for Christopher Nolan. TV will be happy, as the Oscar telecast will now have to be a miniseries. They'll have to get Richard Chamberlain to host.

AMPAS is trying to suggest this is simply a return to tradition, as even 12 films were nominated in Oscar's early years. But to pretend that the state of filmaking today is what it was in 1939 is historically hysterical. There is no studio system now that give a moderately talented hack like Victor Flemming the opportunity to make a Wizard of Oz. There was no TV, then, let alone computers etc. to distract everyone from the distractions that Hollywood wanted us to be distracted by.

Plus, ten 1939 nominees still didn't do the trick--where was Midnight or Only Angels Have Wings or Gunga Din or The Women? And if you want to dump on that last one as simply a stagy campfest, then please tell me, would you rather have the George Cukor version or the Diane English? And we need more films nominated why? Just to keep Meg Ryan in botox?

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4 Comments:

Blogger Ironicus Maximus said...

I've spent hours discovering that I can't be a Republican or a Christian since I don't cheat on my wife. I would blog something about Iran, but I don't know anything to act like I do. And who would go on and on about what the U.S. should be doing without some knowledge? Oh, yeah, more reasons I'm not a Christian Republican.

Oh no you dinit!

That wins the Ironicus Maximus smart ass comment of the week award.

Smart ass

5:57 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

dump on that last one as simply a stagy campfest

Well, The Women surely was a stagy campfest. And that precisely why I won't dump on it!

Joan Crawford exuding sex appeal, letting fly with outrageous double entendres . . . and a goofy color sequence with the hottest babes of the day right in the middle for no apparent reason?

Who dumps on such things?

6:16 AM  
Blogger Smitty said...

So, when do we get to know what the 11 pieces of schlep are?

6:53 AM  
Blogger George said...

Not everyone is a The Women fan so I wanted to try to stave off attacks recognizing that. I find it to be delicious fluff, myself.

I did forget to point out that probably the best film from 1939 is Renoir's Rules of the Game, but it's furrin, of course, and Frenchly French at that. So no Oscar for you.

IM, thanks for noticing. My ass has been working out, trying to look as smart as possible. I think the tight pants help.

9:47 AM  

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