Republicans Hate the "Bill" of Rights as It Reminds Them of Clinton

Staffers for President Obama were shocked today to discover the state of the White House upon the transfer of power. Those with good memories may recall that George W. Bush's staff were outraged at the pranks supposedly pulled by the outgoing Clintonites, including the removal of the letter "W" from all keyboards and typewriters.

The Bush crew one-upped that prank, however, removing the first and fourth amendment from the Constitution. They did leave a video of the President himself looking under a piece of furniture in the Oval Office, at which point the president remarked: "Those Constitutional rights have got to be here somewhere." Later in the video Bush is scouring the corner of a room, saying: "No, no first or fourth amendment rights over there."

It seems the pranksters were also at work in the White House library, where the copies of the Bible, including the megaton, printed on the actual skin of dead saints edition that Joe Biden was sworn in with on Tuesday, were also defaced. If one turned to Leviticus, the only verses not redacted were 18 and 20.

In other news, President Obama has had to hire an extra janitorial crew to clean the marble floor where Vice President Cheney wrote "go fuck yourself" in skidmarks from his wheelchair.