Do No NARM

If there's anything the world needs, it's another list of the bestest albums of all-time. To fulfill this non-need, we get "the Definitive 200...developed by NARM, the National Association of Recording Merchandisers in celebration of the art form of the record album. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is pleased to recognize this varied collection of some of history’s most influencial [sic] and popular albums, many of which are Hall of Fame Inductees." It might be a tip-off that they spell influential as if trying to emphasize how it sounds like influenza, something that's easy to catch as the R n R Hall of Fame grab-asses NARM, which pushes its charts while hoping to push sales--this is a marketing circle jerk if there ever was one (and the Circle Jerks don't even make the list).

There's no real point in analyzing the list, particularly given Whitney Houston (we have a problem) is the highest ranking African American woman on the list (Aretha a-smetha, I guess), but even she is 9 spots below the soundtrack to Grease. This isn't the list that I want, o, oo, ooo.

Then there's this: the Sex Pistols show up over halfway down the list, behind not one but two Green Day albums (maybe that's why they misspell influential--they don't know what the word means, either), who at least are ok, but the Pistols are also behind Def Leppard, Boston, Van Halen, Meatloaf, and Creed--it's enough to make anyone lose faith. Just to show up Johnny Rotten and the boys even more, right before them are Celine Dion and Kenny G, and so you might as well say punk never happened. That label Adult Contemporary gives being an adult a very bad name. (At least London Calling beat out Dion and G--can I call him G?--, but, of course, couldn't climb over the powerhouse that is Creed. Maybe it's all because Joe Strummer never got videotaped getting blown by groupies with Kid Rock, who is 28 slots ahead of the Clash himself.)

Of course, this list is more or less like posting a warning sign outside the caves of the Neanderthals--the album has turned out to be a road evolution has not taken. Download away, iPodicus iPodicus. Just don't think that there are 200 albums better than the Velvet Underground and Nico.