The Incredibly Strange Columnist Who Stopped Living and Became a Mixed-Up Zombie

Ragging on the LA Times' Bill Plaschke is a bit like drawing attention to the drool trails left behind by the village idiot, but IAOTBM (I Am One to Be Mean). Yesterday his advice for Dodgers' GM Ned Colletti was to trade away prospects to win this year, but don't trade any of the good ones, but be sure to get a Soriano or Zito. He left out the part about how to sneak the stoopid pills into the watercoolers in DC or Oakland. I mean, it's one thing when a rube makes a call in to some sports radio show and says, "Why don't the Dodgers trade Kenny Lofton for Miguel Cabrera?" but I don't see why a major newspaper has to pay somebody to make such high-grade analysis. Plus the Times is already carrying T.J. Simmers.

Therefore it was fun to read Plaschke's column today, in which his level of writing even managed to match his level of baseball acumen. Writing about the Brad Penny-Kenny Lofton near tussle yesterday, he got to this gem of a line: "These players have enough folks pointing fingers at them — all 10 of mine are outstretched — without pointing them at each other."

Let's make a mental image of what the ten-fingered monster that is Plaschke might look like. OK, so who hired the grasping zombie for the LA Times? At least it's easy to imagine him desperately crying, "More brains!!"