Friday, February 17, 2006

Fracture My Spine and Swear that You're Mine

The White House announced plans for a new fundraising $5,000-a-nasogastric-tube dinner to be held at a secret location on a yet to be announced date. The man behind this brilliant plan is Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who has decided the best way to prove Guantanamo is as good a place as he says it is is to bring a bit of Guantanamo to the people. According to the AFP Rumsfeld today blasted back in Kofi Annan's face with the words, "There is no torture, there is no abuse. It's being handled honorably." The article goes on to say:

"He hasn't been to Guantanamo Bay," he said of Annan, adding that hundreds of others had visited, including US lawmakers, journalists, foreigners and the International Committee of the Red Cross.

"That place is being run as well as any detention center can be run," he said. Rumsfeld defended the decision to deny the UN human rights investigators access to the prisoners.

"If you start letting every single person who wants to go in and interview these people, then you can't manage a facility like that," he said.

One can imagine Rumsfeld's rage that the people who he refuses to let in to see the prison are then complaining about the prison as if they had seen the prison. Life is just so unfair when you're trying to hold people without charges for years and not really name who they are.

Rumsfeld also scoffed at the notion that force-feeding patients tied to restraint chairs with tubes was even vaguely unpleasant, let alone torture. "There are some people out there who actually pay for such treatment," the secretary joked. He then refered to an article from The Observer:

Although some prisoners have had to be tied down while being force-fed, 'only one patient' has had to be immobilised with a six-point restraint, and 'only one' passed out. 'In less than 10 cases have trained medical personnel had to use four-point restraint in order to achieve insertion.' Edmondson claims the actual feeding is voluntary. During Ramadan, tube-feeding takes place before dawn.

"See we even respect their cartoonist-hating religion, which is more than they'd do for us," Rumsfeld said.


Anonymous Tessitura said...

Isn't that a Tom Lehrer lyric??

9:43 PM  

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