Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Two News Stories Collide on a Busy Blog

VATICAN — After months of deadlock, leaders of the Roman Catholic Church and the priests union reached an agreement Tuesday to clean up a homosexuals in the priesthood scandal that has tarnished the nation's pastime ("just get me home in front of the TV by kick-off, honey") and left lawmakers worried about young religious people imitating the wrong role models.

Members of the Senate, exasperated by what they viewed as a smoke-screen made by thurible-dragging, were hours away from imposing gay-testing and penalty requirements on all major league religions when the deal was reached.

It will require men of the cloth to submit to several gay tests each year, between Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday (thereby to protect those A&P Catholics who only go to mass when they get something), and will impose lengthy suspensions for Playgirl and Judy Garland CD use. Repeat offenders can be banned for life, at least from the darkened, face-to-face confessional booth.

Members of Congress said the agreement sends an important message to those who look up to priests. "This is about the integrity of the church and particularly the kids," said Sen. Jim Bunning, a Kentucky Republican and Hall of Fame altar boy and former MLB pitcher who is so against anyone scoring he once threw a perfect game, although it was versus the Mets in the 1960s, so deserves an asterisk.

The lawmakers said they would hold off on legislation for now. But they called on other professional religions to follow the Catholic's lead, seemingly forgetting many other religions let women be ministers and/or let their holy people marry, and in other ways pretend that world's century odometer has made it into the double digits.

"We hope this agreement by the Roman Catholic Church will stimulate--well, that might not be the best word--other major league religions to toughen penalties," Bunning said. "I mean, when the Mormons screw around with kids, at least it's girls."


Post a Comment

<< Home

eXTReMe Tracker