Jesus Loses Tax-Exempt Status

The Los Angeles Times today reports that the IRS has finally cracked down on that terrorist-loving traitor Jesus (who, rumor has it, isn't even a U.S. citizen, just like so many of those others Jesuses in CA, AZ and NM). IRS spokesperson I. Ron Ickler states, "We had a sneaky feeling this Jesus was spreading an anti-government message, and then someone pointed out there was some book with sayings of his, so we looked into that. Clearly something called the Sermon on the Mount couldn't be more antithetical to American values than the CIA being denied its right to get prisoners not even charged with anything to talk however they see fit, since inventiveness is an American birthright."

Press Secretary Scott McLellan chimed in, offering this answer when someone asked him about why he lied and said no one in the White House had anything to do with the Valerie Plame case, "Look, it's not like I did anything like that Jesus that the IRS has on the run. He said, 'Blessed are the meek,' but didn't point out they're the ones on Medicare and Medicaid who are bankrupting this country. He said, 'Blessed are the peacemakers,' and that makes him just like that Cindy Sheehan. If he's so holy and the son of god and all, why can't he say things like a real religious person, and call for the assassination of an enemy of the state like Hugo Chavez?"