Faith, Grope and Parody

According to Reuters, in an effort to bolster support for his Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers President Bush today said the following:

She's going to make a great Supreme Court judge. People are interested to know why I picked Harriet Miers. They want to know Harriet Miers' background, they want to know as much as they possibly can before they form opinions. And part of Harriet Miers' life is her religion.

Admitting that he wants more of his nominees to have religion be at least 53% of their lives (a figure that climbs to 98% when nominees are speaking in public to the right wing base), he also offered further sweeping changes to his cabinet to bring it into a more faith-based alignment.

• For Secretary of Education Bush has nominated Cardinal Bernard Law, the former archbishop of Boston. "He just seems like a man who knows how people should deal with children," the President said.
• For Secretary of the Treasury Bush has nominated Rev. Brian Lisowski. The President said, "Here's a man who knows his way around the money of others."
• For Secretary of Commerce and Labor Bush has nominated Reverend Jimmy Swaggart. "Swaggart really seems to value the labor of women--he's even willling to pay for their work," the President claimed.

Upon making the announcements in the recently planted flag garden outside the West Wing of the White House, a reporter asked the President if he would also appoint Reverend Pat Robertson as Secretary of State. Mr. Bush repsonded, "No way--Pat's a nutcase. Heh heh heh."