Monday, August 15, 2005

The Terror of Tiny Town

As someone who is not going to have kids, the latest news makes sense to me, but to all the rest of you breeders out there, I'm sure this will rile you up:

Infants have been stopped from boarding planes at airports throughout the U.S. because their names are the same as or similar to those of possible terrorists on the government's "no-fly list."


ACLU lawyer Tim Sparapani said the problem of babies stopped by the no-fly list illustrates some of the reasons the lists don't work.

"There's no oversight over the names," Sparapani said. "We know names are added hastily, and when you have a name-based system you don't focus on solid intelligence leads. You focus on names that are similar to those that might be suspicious."

The Transportation Security Administration, which administers the lists, instructs airlines not to deny boarding to children under 12 — or select them for extra security checks — even if their names match those on a list.

But it happens anyway. Debby McElroy, president of the Regional Airline Association, said: "Our information indicates it happens at every major airport."

Obviously any diaper, especially at 30,000 feet, can be a dangerous weapon, both a toxic inhalant and a chemical waste dump all in one. Imagine what a group of infants, working together, could do--it could be Al-Baba. Beware the terrorist mastermind Poopy Pants Laden!

I just hope that the next time I fly this means I can claim that I think any babies sitting near me are suspicious and have them removed from the flight before they start screaming. That's a kind of terrible two terror, too.


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