Wednesday, August 10, 2005

And Now for Something Completely Disgusting

(a phone conversation)

Agent: So you have to book my latest act.

Theater Owner: Yeah, sure, why.

Agent: They're the Battling Bushes. A terrific family act. The wife is a librarian who runs over a fellow high school student while just a kid herself. Grows up to be a librarian and loves learning so much she marries a guy who doesn't believe in evolution. The daughters might seem like your usual drunken young floozies, but they're twins, and everybody knows twins are hot.

Theater Owner: This doesn't sound like much yet.

Agent: But the dad's the one who takes the cake. Lies like Pinocchio with the General Sherman sequoia between his eyes. Turns his coke addiction into a wild love for the lord. Causes wars for no good reason beyond he can, then refuses to see any of the families of the soldiers he sent to be killed. Gives the media the finger repeatedly, but that's only what he's doing to the country by giving tax breaks to his rich friends, signing energy bills the very week gas prices reach an all-time high, signing highway bills that are paved with pork.

Theater owner: That's disgusting, what do you call this act?

Agent: The Aristocrats!


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