Pope-a-saurus

And so the Catholic Church had its one flickering moment to head in a different direction away from its Pleistocene Age, but instead acted like some saber-tooth tiger 25,000 years ago (ok, I know that's longer than the Biblical Earth existed, but humor me and, oh, the couple million actual scientists for a minute). The Church sniffed the air, lowered its cumbersome head, and thought, "Tar pits can't hold me."

The nifty part is that the new Pope Benedict XVI, the former Cardinal Joseph Ratzkywatzky of Germany, has already performed a miracle at Morgan's Creek, so his sainthood is assured. After all, he was just taking orders as a Nazi Youth.