Keep A Stiff Upper Jesus

I'm not a believer. That's not the Virgin Mary on a grilled cheese sandwich (what if she were eaten by someone named Joseph! 2000 years of Christianity befouled.) Jesus hasn't loaned his image to a fishstick (unless the owner accidentally bought St. Peter & Paul's instead of Mrs. Paul's fishsticks; motto: "I will make you convenience food for men"). And Mother Theresa's got better things to do than come back as a sticky bun, what with having to shoot cancer-zapping beams of light out from her pictures, to silence Christopher Hitchens, when he's not busy supporting George Bush's war in Iraq, if nothing else.

But this story I might believe. Here's hoping Jesus wears that lead robe Mary made for him centuries ago.

As for the story's end--"By the way, the patient's exam was perfect"--well, one would assume that holy omnipotence covers two dental exams a year.

Of course it's always possible that Product Placement Saviour could just be Mel Gibson's sneaky way to run an Oscar publicity campaign. All he has to do is keep His Holiness of the Haddock in the news and then he doesn't have to shill for Academy Award consideration. Imagine the excitement at the Kodak Theater this March when someone opens the envelope to gush, "The Oscar for Best Picture goes to The Passion of the Fish Stick."