Monday, December 20, 2004

Egg Noggin on Heaven's Door

You've probably heard that Bill O'Reilly, among others, is on a rampage. He's very worried he might not get a new loofah in his Christmas stocking this year, because the Secularists are trying to steal Christmas! You know the Secularists, don't you? Be very careful, there might even be one sitting next to you at work. (There' won't be one sitting next to you on the subway or bus if you're on Bill O'Reilly's side, because you know enough to avoid public transportation. And good for you.)

What's more, doing away with Christmas is just the sneaky start of the Secularists perfidious plans. And they do plan, so much so it makes the dastardly folks behind the Gay Agenda seem like slackers, but they probably are because they are so busy thinking about sex, which a good religious person like Bill O'Reilly never gets sued, I mean, thinks about. First those Secularists dump the Christ child, and next, every woman has to have an abortion to commemorate no more Christ child. It will be a law. Even with the Republicans controlling the House, Senate, White House and Supreme Court. Boy, those Secularists are good. (In fact, one will soon come take me to task for writing "Boy" to start that gender-specific, non-secular sentence.) As Bill so bluntly put it in his syndicated column:

The secular-progressive movement knows that it is organized religion, most specifically Christianity and Judaism, that stands in the way of gay marriage, partial birth abortion, legalized narcotics, euthanasia and many other secular causes. If religion can be de-emphasized, a brave new progressive society can be achieved.

Now, perhaps O'Reilly has to watch his phrase-making, as his passing nod to Aldous Huxley at the end isn't particularly felicitious; after all, Huxley claimed, "At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols."

But he certainly tells it like it is, if you know what is is. Not only do the Secularists want abortions, they want to wait till that last trimester, just to make the unborn hurt even more. And of course they're pro-narcotics, since they don't have religion to be the opiate of their masses. And of course they believe in euthanasia, because they are most likely against the death penalty, too. (That is logic, isn't it?)

The good news is there are people re-affirming the true spirits of Christmas, emphasis on spirits, in New Zealand. I only wish there was videotape. And then there's this touching display in Germany; I always thought sweet baby Jesus hid some water wings under those swaddling clothes.

And so I've heard this from the Secularists: "If Bill O'Reilly doesn't like us getting rid of Christmas, he can go live in an aquarium in Speyer." And I'm looking forward to the videotape of that, too.


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