Putting the Deb in Debate

The BBC begins its definition of "debutante" as follows :

Never trust a ceremony that begins with flocks of young women (notionally virgin) processing in white dresses towards some ritual object. There's bound to be a dark and sinister motive behind all this innocence. So it was with the offerings to Artemis in ancient Greece, back in the fourth century BC. So too with the presentation of debutantes (young women making their debut, or entry, into society) at the start of the social Season.

Well, the phrase "dark and sinister motives behind all this innocence," besides getting me a bit excited, I'm afraid to admit, also makes me think about politics (when I think in a completely different direction, of course). It's easy to imagine, for instance, a politician claiming, "We've never met," when in fact the two candidates have and there are even photographs to prove it, or perhaps claiming something silly like, "I've never linked Saddam and Al Qaeda" when people have tapes of him doing just that. So much feigned innocence, such bitter, dirty experience.

So, to strain my metaphor to the breaking, and for a really good laugh, what I propose is that Bush and Kerry have a Debutante Coming Out Debate in St. Louis on Friday. And I mean a drag out fight. Full gowns, make-up, heels. Let's see who totters and who stands tall. Let's see who tells the most tear-jerking anecdote about some poor sufferer from a swing state, yet can keep his mascara from running. Let's see who has the best falsetto.

The winner gets to the run the country OR marry that dashing Charlie Gibson, who flutters all the young sweet things' hearts on "Good Morning America," and is therefore the perfect moderator for this event.