Language Is a Virus from Outer Space

NPR announced this morning that President Bush would give a major address today, using "new language" to discuss the war on terror.

Immediately following the White House's announcement, lobbyists descended on the District, hoping to become the "official new language of the war on terrorism."™ Tagalog was an early favorite, especially due to Secretary Rumsfeld's weakness for satay. !Kung was pushed by the people who sell the exclamation point key to computer manufacturers, but it was discovered that President Bush has trouble making that clicking sound and would even prefer to have to pronounce "nuclear" or "Abu Ghraib," not that he has mentioned that place in months (for we have taken care of those few bad apples, kind of like jailing Martha Stewart has made big business completely above-board again).

A late favorite was Glyph, a language pioneered by The Artist Again Known as Prince (or conversely, The Artist No Longer Beholden to Warner Brothers). Rumor has it that President Bush has fond memories of sniffing coke off the cover of Dirty Mind while singing along to "Head."

INOTBB will have all the latest news as it breaks, or we can make it up.