Thursday, September 23, 2004

Doogie The Right Thing

Now, maybe the rest of you don't blink when you read the line: "On this day in 1991, TV’s Doogie Howser lost his virginity." Me, I'm wondering exactly how a fictional character loses his virginity. Sure, I understand the idea of acting, and I understand the physics of losing one's virginity, so no wise cracks, but if just pretending really means something, I must have lost my virginity at 13 or so. The episode was called "The Summer of '91" (who spends their time filling up the internet with the names of every episode of Doogie Howser? perhaps my life has more meaning than I thought), which isn't as good as titles like "Doogstruck" and "Doogiesomething," that I can only hope were parody episodes.

And what of Neil Patrick Harris? Once a fresh-faced, virginal (for two seasons, at least) absurdly young doc, and now he's playing Lee Harvey Oswald in Stephen Sondheim's tribute to America's presidential killers, the all-singing, all-dancing Assassins. Would he prefer a roll on the grassy knoll or a shot from the Book Depository Building? Perhaps the inarticulate grunts of his first fictional love sounded much like Czolgosz-Czolgosz.

P.S. Didn't they teach you nothing in History?! Anarchist Leon Czolgosz murdered McKinley. Sondheim posits he did it for the love of Emma Goldman, cause you got to have a love story in a Broadway show, even if it's about killing presidents.


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