The Spare Shit Rhino

If you feel as if you can't give a shit about Christmas, it turns out you can. Rhino shit, in fact. (No, it doesn't come with a horn, silly.) And just like anything cherished by a connoisseurship, like truffles or Beanie Babies, it comes in varieties--white, black, Indian, and Sumatran. You just can't beat the Sumatran for a quick jolt in the morning, I say.

Forget about Endangered Species, we're talking Endangered Feces, here, as you can see on the International Rhino Foundation website. My favorite line is "We can’t wait to learn about the folks getting these special gifts." I just want to know their addresses so I can stay very far away. And I hope that plastic case isn't gas permeable.