Thursday, September 21, 2006

Witchy? Whoa, Man!

"On this day in 1692, the Salem trees hung the witches till they were
blue," is the dastardly little rhyme that every school kid learned (and
is still in therapy about). Yes, it's the anniversary of the last witch
hangings in the U.S., which wasn't united or really states yet, so
that's one way somebody like Alberto Gonzalez can claim we never did
such a thing. Although the executions were over, 150 Salemites (which
sounds close enough to Sodomites to have the whiff of guilt right there)
remained in jail through the next summer, but they got three square
meals a day and were permitted to pray to their god the devil 5 times a
day. Wife of the previous Salem mayor Barbara Goodbush said, "What I'm
hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in gaol. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the prison here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them."

Things didn't work out as well for Giles Corey, the accused witch who
was pressed to death while being interrogated. The Court asserted,
"There's an enemy that lurks and plots and plans and wants to hurt Salem
again. So you bet we will aggressively pursue them, but we will do so
under the law, or pehaps under a board with heavy rocks on it. If Mr.
Corey talked, he could have prevented this, and then we could have hung
him like a good witch."


Anonymous James said...

Instead of respecting his tormentors, Mr. Corey only said "more weight" thereby ruining what could have been a perfectly delightful hanging for the whole family. Those witches had no respect for decent family values.

6:08 AM  

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