Tuesday, September 05, 2006

National Strategy for Combating Democrats Terrorism

Attorney General Alberto "Justice Isn't Blind, It's Just Hard" Gonzales announced today that the U.S. government has begun a weekly program of uncovering a terrorist plot in America. The program, scheduled to end with a final announcement on November 6, is part of the Bush Administration's "There Are Many Ways to Shout 'Boo!' Between Safer and Safe" Campaign.

Gonzales claimed, "We have foiled a plot featuring self-proclaimed militant religious leaders who referred to themselves as royal poobahs, talked of establishing their own city inside Los Angeles, called their headquarters a 'He-Arab American Haters Club,' and discussed plans to train their recruits to use tons of already pulrloined silver polish to bring the Walt Disney Hall to such a level of shine one night that when the sun rose the next morning, the heat reflected from the controversial Gehry design would set fire to much of downtown LA."

"We really didn't buy them the chamois," Gonzales insisted. "Not to mention the FBI had absolutely nothing to do with any of the upcoming plots we will stop--well, except for the stopping part. They didn't buy the pea-shooters for the bunch in Baton Rouge, they didn't provide the thousands of flaming bags of dog feces for the Bangor big bad ding dong ditch, and they didn't supply the Mentos, even if they might have chipped in for the Diet Coke, for the great Biloxi splashdown."


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