Giving Birth to Another Tortured Mash-Up

Born September 11, secret CIA prisons had not previously appeared in any published photos, prompting some public speculation about their very existence.

Leading up to the frenzy over the prisons, "We were just living our lives, being a world power," President Bush says. "Actually, we were taking our own prisoners and always planned to release those at the right time."

But "then all the craziness began," Vice President Dick Cheney says. "This 'where is Khalid Sheik Mohammed?' controversy. George and I looked at each other and said, 'What's going on?' We weren't trying to hide anything."

Cheney also explains their purchase of a waterboard device, saying he and Bush were followed by paparazzi and as a result, his "doctor" had to make house calls.

"The waterboard was for his use!" he says.

Cheney says of the program: "It's a glorious baby."