Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Blogfast of Champions

Today is/was the birthday of George Cormack, the inventor of the Wheatie. (Can you have a singular cereal flake? I mean, I know they are individuals and would never mean to suggest they're some mindless monoculture, but what would be the purpose of just one be?) It turns out that the history of the Wheatie is really an enthralling story, especially if you keep a flake in each eye to prevent your lids from slamming shut in boredom:

Like many great inventions, Wheaties was discovered by accident. [ed. note: Just one of the many ways Wheaties is a great invention.] In 1921, a health clinician in Minneapolis was mixing a batch of bran gruel for his patients when he spilled some of the mix on a hot stove. [ed. note: Yum, bran gruel. Lucky patients. This clinician is currently working at Guatanamo.] The gruel crackled and sizzled into a crisp flake. Tasting the very first Wheaties prototype, he decided this delicious accident had promise. [ed. note: And that he really needed to clean the stove.] He took the crisped gruel to the people at the Washburn Crosby Company. [ed. note: He very carefully made sure the secret formula did not fall into the evil hands of Mr. Slugworth.]

The head miller, George Cormack, [ed. note: Happy Birthday, Cormack, well, if you were alive, and I think Bill Frist has diagnosed you as such.] took on the task of trying to strengthen the flakes to keep them from turning to dust inside a cereal box. [ed. note: Sadly he could not feed the flakes Wheaties for strength as he had not perfected them yet, and cereal cannibalism is against the law in 40 states anyway.] Cormack tested 36 varieties of wheat before he developed the perfect flake. [ed note: Insert your own perfect flake joke here.] A company wide contest was held to name the new cereal. [ed. note: Oh, to work for such a thrilling company!] The winner was Jane Bausman, the wife of the export manager. [ed. note: Which begs the question, if they exported the manager, who's in charge of things?] Wheaties was chosen over numerous other entries, including Nutties and Gold Medal Wheat Flakes. [ed. note: Heh, heh, he said Nutties.]


Post a Comment

<< Home

eXTReMe Tracker