Where All the Stalkers Are above Average

The Rockies in the World Series, igloos in hell (but not in Alaska, what with global warming), and now Garrison Keillor has a stalker. The AP reports:

Garrison Keillor has gotten a restraining order against a Georgia woman he claims has made telephone calls and sent him explicit e-mails and disturbing gifts, including a petrified alligator foot and dead beetles.

They've got some strange notions of how to pitch woo down in Georgia, but to the woman's credit, she did catch, slice, and petrify the alligator's foot herself, which proves some initiative, or as Keillor might have it, moxie.

Alas for the woman, Keillor was having none of it, and not just because it offended his Norwegian sense of decorum where flashing someone a saucy smile might be too outre. Heck, it could lead to dancing. Indeed, Keillor's filing said the e-mails and letters were often "disturbing, unintelligible and rambling," and in one, Campbell "graphically described making love to me."

The judge, needless to say, threw the book at the stalker Campbell, claiming no one in their right mind who had seen the mellifluously-voiced but otherwise all too apt for radio owlish Keillor would be able to write such an email. The judge ruled, "The emails merged the disturbing and graphic in a way that was unintelligible."