This May Day Is No Swett

Be sure to trod lightly about your May Pole Friday, or else you might end up like Dick Swett, former Congressman, whose birthday May 1st is. It might strike you as odd he chose that sobriquet over Richard, but I assume "Dick" was thrust upon him as it so often is with Richards. Lord knows he might feel at home in Hawaii, for the day is also the 82nd "May Day is Lei Day" festival in the 50th state. And I'm not just fucking with you--it's an actual festival. Last year Honolulu went balls to the wall for the fete, setting the record for the World's Longest Lei. This made mayor Mufi Hannemann very happy, and not just because Mufi never met Dick. Hannemann was quoted as thanking, "the dedicated and hard working members of our Department of Parks and Recreation for making Lei Day 2008 the biggest and best in recent memory." He then fell asleep. There is no word if former Playboy model and May 1st birthday celebrator Tawnni Cable gave a hand in making the lei. BTW, parents, if you name your daughter Tawnni, neither a heart as the dot on the i or taking off her clothes for a living are optional.