Monday, October 29, 2007

The Diamond Isn't a Pundit's Best Friend

While most people of late have slammed Family Security Matters (motto: we will scare the bejeebus out of you and your family--now vote Republican) for their Ten Most Dangerous Organizations in America list (yep, that's universities and colleges at #2, since our educational system isn't good enough to be #1 at anything), I'm here to point out they don't know diddly about baseball, either. For what should I find looking for things for solace in the world of Mets hurt that ended the 2007 baseball season but "The GOP should learn from the '07 Mets" by Gabriel Garnica.

As a Mets fan and a lefty (yes, I'll still admit both), I am not pleased.

It seems Garnica is a poor Mets fan and a poorer writer, for his second looped upon itself sentence is: "If any of you have any interest in baseball, you know that the 2007 Mets managed to turn last year’s magical, almost perfect, season into a mocking comparison of what they did this year."

OK, the Mets' 2006 season, so "magical and almost perfect," didn't even get to the World Series thanks to Yadier F---ing Molina of the One Good Swing of His Life. That makes them the third best perfect team in 2006. I guess for Garnica magic isn't pulling a rabbit out of hat, it's attempting to pull his head out of his ass.

He's no Doug Henning, though. I mean, late in the piece he asserts how the Mets are "Norm Thornberry," and I guess he's lucky he's discussing baseball as this mistake means he only has two strikes on him--the infamous symbol of early Mets frustration was Marv Throneberry. But why get names correct when your overall premise is so poor it would probably lose to the Rockies in the World Series?

For here's Garnica's big claim--the Mets are Republican. The Yankees are Democrats.

And several boroughs in New York heave a hefty oy in frustration. Everybody knows the Yankees are Republican through and through, from their sense you can just Bronx Bomb your way to victory by spending the most money to George Steinbrenner's illegal contributions to Nixon and that's leaving out the Irish tenor belting out "God Bless America" for seventh inning stretches into eternity.

Of course, Garnica's trick is to somewhat label each team properly and then mislabel the political party:

The Yankees and Democrats are celebrities, rock stars and movie legends. The Mets and GOP are van moms, home stars and legends of the daily grind. In the end, the Yankees and the Democrats are Camelot while the Mets and the GOP are the Gettysburg Address. Guess what? The Yankees and the Democrats are what some Americans are like, while the Mets and the GOP are what most Americans are like.

Of course we might ask George W. Bush what he thinks about how crucial the "legends of the daily grind" are to him and his electoral hopes:

Or we could ask all the kids without healthcare because Bush likes insurance companies better than children, or ask those fighting in Iraq who are no doubt predominantly not rich, or ask all the van moms who will make a bundle if the estate tax is permanently repealed.

Garnica manages to sully both Democrats and the Mets in one crappy column.

P.S. How in the world can Family Security Matters have any cred with rightwingers when its website banner only features a Mom and a Son? Or is that the point--Dad's away, we will protect you, in loco internetis?



Blogger Mike said...

That quotation from his article is incomprehensible. What the hell is he talking about?

4:28 AM  
Blogger Queen Whackamole said...

Family Security Matters is based in San Diego?


Go Padres.

9:10 AM  
Blogger George said...

Mike, I thought you'd be able to explain--he's a lawyer, after all.

9:39 AM  
Blogger Trekking Left said...

"The Yankees and Democrats are celebrities, rock stars and movie legends."

You mean, like Ronald Reagan? And how many poor people do you see in the Bush administration? What a bunch of hooey.

12:27 PM  
Blogger George said...

Oh, you're just an eco-terrorist TL!

12:32 PM  

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