What If the Debates Were Really Debates? (Part 1)
One thing that drives me nuts about the American political process, no matter one's party, is how the "debates" are really just group Q&A. It would be good to make these folks grapple with each other's ideas and try to out-think and out-speak each other. I mean, would anyone have voted for Bush if we all got a real chance to see him "think" on his feet? Here's a guy whose spontaneous response to how Iraq is going is "We're kicking ass." (How presidential.)
So, let's use some lines gleaned over at Talking Points Memo from last night's Republican debate and re-cast them in a world where someone might be able to point out the ridiculousness (as long as one has a strong ridiculousness pointer, for there was plenty to go around).
The candidates were asked about Larry Craig, and whether or not he should be reconsidering his resignation. He got no support at all from either Sam Brownback or Duncan Hunter, who spoke up, and everyone else kept silent.
I guess the Republicans support a Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy for U.S. Senators. Or are worried about giving the wrong signals to the man next to him as they are all preparing their next load of shit.
John McCain out-hawked Mitt Romney on Iraq, after Romney said the surge was "apparently working." McCain replied. "The surge is working, sir. No, not 'apparently.' It's working."
Not to be outdone, Giuliani said, "The surge works. It needs no weak 'to be' verb." And in an effort to top the topper Sam Brownback chimed in, "If only we hadn't killed so many of the pre-born for the past 30 years...we could have had a triple surge and then had those people killed in Iraq as adults and with honor for their country and not just for the convenience of their mothers."
Rudy Giuliani was forced to defend his policy of offering aid and police protection to illegal immigrants in New York City: "The problem that I had was I had 400,000 illegal immigrants, roughly, in New York City. And I had a city that was the crime capital of America ... If you are an illegal immigrant in New York City and a crime is committed against you, I want you to report that. Because lo and behold, the next time a crime is committed, it could be against a citizen or a legal immigrant."
OK, beyond someone having to point out the crime rates in NYC started dropping during David Dinkins' time as mayor, it's good to know Rudy G thinks humans come in value categories, in ascending order: illegal immigrant, legal immigrant, citizen. Climb that ladder, have more of a right to live free of crime.
Mike Huckabee gave this passionate pro-life argument: "The reason this country has been extraordinarily interested in what's going on to those miners out in Utah is because even though we don't know them, they represent us in the sense that they are human beings, and we don't know their fate. We need to show the same kind of respect for life whether a child is in the womb, or whether in a coal mine, or in a long-term care facility."
One has to ask, Mr. Huckabee, do you think children should be working in coal mines? Are these care facilities some sort of socialized childcare? And what are children doing in a womb?
Here's a gem from Tom Tancredo: "Yes, I would certainly waterboard. I don't believe that that is, quote, 'torture.'" Tancredo also said, "Political correctness will get us all killed."
Political correctness is trying to be sure to use gender neutral language. Not becoming what we supposedly abhor in others is moral correctness, Tom. Waterboarding isn't just some Jack Bauer thing (who, by the way, isn't real) but is what the Khymer Rouge used. So if you want to be just like Pol Pot be my guest, just let me warn all my friends who wear eyeglasses first.
Duncan Hunter argued passionately against closing the prison at Guantanamo, and said the prisoners there in fact have great living conditions. "They have better health care than most Americans," he said.
First, who abducted Duncan Hunter and replaced him with Michael Moore? Second, is this his health care plan? Third, will most Americans be jailed without sentence, held without bail, and be denied an attorney in a Duncan Hunter Administration?
So, let's use some lines gleaned over at Talking Points Memo from last night's Republican debate and re-cast them in a world where someone might be able to point out the ridiculousness (as long as one has a strong ridiculousness pointer, for there was plenty to go around).
The candidates were asked about Larry Craig, and whether or not he should be reconsidering his resignation. He got no support at all from either Sam Brownback or Duncan Hunter, who spoke up, and everyone else kept silent.
I guess the Republicans support a Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy for U.S. Senators. Or are worried about giving the wrong signals to the man next to him as they are all preparing their next load of shit.
John McCain out-hawked Mitt Romney on Iraq, after Romney said the surge was "apparently working." McCain replied. "The surge is working, sir. No, not 'apparently.' It's working."
Not to be outdone, Giuliani said, "The surge works. It needs no weak 'to be' verb." And in an effort to top the topper Sam Brownback chimed in, "If only we hadn't killed so many of the pre-born for the past 30 years...we could have had a triple surge and then had those people killed in Iraq as adults and with honor for their country and not just for the convenience of their mothers."
Rudy Giuliani was forced to defend his policy of offering aid and police protection to illegal immigrants in New York City: "The problem that I had was I had 400,000 illegal immigrants, roughly, in New York City. And I had a city that was the crime capital of America ... If you are an illegal immigrant in New York City and a crime is committed against you, I want you to report that. Because lo and behold, the next time a crime is committed, it could be against a citizen or a legal immigrant."
OK, beyond someone having to point out the crime rates in NYC started dropping during David Dinkins' time as mayor, it's good to know Rudy G thinks humans come in value categories, in ascending order: illegal immigrant, legal immigrant, citizen. Climb that ladder, have more of a right to live free of crime.
Mike Huckabee gave this passionate pro-life argument: "The reason this country has been extraordinarily interested in what's going on to those miners out in Utah is because even though we don't know them, they represent us in the sense that they are human beings, and we don't know their fate. We need to show the same kind of respect for life whether a child is in the womb, or whether in a coal mine, or in a long-term care facility."
One has to ask, Mr. Huckabee, do you think children should be working in coal mines? Are these care facilities some sort of socialized childcare? And what are children doing in a womb?
Here's a gem from Tom Tancredo: "Yes, I would certainly waterboard. I don't believe that that is, quote, 'torture.'" Tancredo also said, "Political correctness will get us all killed."
Political correctness is trying to be sure to use gender neutral language. Not becoming what we supposedly abhor in others is moral correctness, Tom. Waterboarding isn't just some Jack Bauer thing (who, by the way, isn't real) but is what the Khymer Rouge used. So if you want to be just like Pol Pot be my guest, just let me warn all my friends who wear eyeglasses first.
Duncan Hunter argued passionately against closing the prison at Guantanamo, and said the prisoners there in fact have great living conditions. "They have better health care than most Americans," he said.
First, who abducted Duncan Hunter and replaced him with Michael Moore? Second, is this his health care plan? Third, will most Americans be jailed without sentence, held without bail, and be denied an attorney in a Duncan Hunter Administration?
posted by George at 1:37 PM
4 Comments:
a child is in the womb
To follow on what you said, George, I think it's of premium importance to rescue all "children" unfortunate enough to find themselves stuck in wombs. What kind of abusive parent puts a "child" in the womb? Buncha' crazies.
Wombs are for fetuses, not children.
How can anyone watch these debates and say Democrats and Republicans are the same?
How can anyone watch these debates and not go insane? You certainly have some kind of fortitude, George, or you've erected a protective barrier between you and your tv.
Marty, don't worry, I didn't watch them--I just gleaned the "highlights" from TPM.
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