Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Can't Cotton Gin?

Friday is the 341st birthday of Eli Whitney. He invented cotton gin during the Great Juniper Shortage of 1793. [mumbling from off camera] Um, Whitney, who went to Yale so therefore is Eli the Eli, invented the cotton gin in 1793. [more mumbling from off camera] Actually Henry Ogden Holmes probably invented the cotton gin, but Whitney patented it, after pointing all his rifles made with interchangeable parts, another idea that he stole and patented, at the defenseless and ginless Holmes. There is no truth to the rumor that Whitney formed a prototype of Microsoft. The cotton gin is a mechanical device that removes the seeds from cotton, and led Whitney to try to remove the seeds from other things, although there never was much of a market for the grape gin, the less said about the disastrously painful birth control device the testicle gin the better, and in a great irony Gallagher beat Whitney to the patent for the watermelon gin.


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