Out of the Past

I have to ask that all (sure, I could name you by name, but what's the fun in that?) the loyal readers of INOTBB refrain from buying those objects that have emerged from my past that are currently on sale on eBay. We all had our silly teenage love affairs, and that someone might cherish and hold mementos from years gone by simply attests to an unfaltering devotion and too much storage space in one's house.

I am amazed to read that the package includes: a piece of paper with my name and phone number written in modeling glue (it must be from right about when I put that P-51 Mustang together); a love letter from me--liberally plagiarized from one Chachi wrote Joannie, I recall--handwritten in red pen; toilet paper from a dingleberry that got stuck on my shoe in the men's room at Friendly's Ice Cream on my17th birthday; a page from the seller's little black book containing my contact information and measurements (that was the summer my breasts really grew); a photo of us hugging when we first met in 1977; a photocopy of the restraining order that followed that event; an autographed photo from the cast of "The Love Boat" (we both knew that Fred "Gopher" Grandy was someday destined to be a Congressman as long as there was an Iowa); a December 2003 screen capture of the Snopses - Urban Legends Reference Page attesting to the truth of our relationship; and a notarized statement by the woman selling these items under the user ID AlexForest, certifying and attesting to the authenticity of the materials.

As for the lawsuit trying to stop the release of the topless photos from my modeling days, well, let's just say my lawyers are talking to that so-called fashion photographer's lawyers, and perhaps we shall all be spared.